"Ho bisogno di chiamerai il mio avvocato"

“He who speaks a bit of a foreign language has more delight in it than he who speaks it well; pleasure goes along with superficial knowledge.” 

                                                                                                     ― Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, All Too Human

Okay, I know we'll be leaving soon, but we finally busted out the Italian CD's and books we've had since Christmas for some quick language lessons.  We've been doing the listen-repeat-listen routine along with the CD in the car for the last week.  I've learned some important phrases-  "Salve" (hello), "Per Favore" (please), "Grazie" (thank you), and "Dov'e la toilette?" (where is the bathroom), however, once we got past the basics, I began to be a little more concerned about this trip to Italy.  Here are some of the phrases in Chapter 4 of the language learning CD:

"Ho bisogno di chiamerai il mio avvocato"  ("I need to contact my lawyer")
"Vorrei dununciare un scippo" ("I want to report a mugging")
"Sono innocente" ("I am innocent."  I already know this one from one of my favorite I Love Lucy episodes)
"Il mio bambino f'e scomparso" ("My child is missing" -- or maybe, The Dingo got my baby!)
"Sono costipato" (I'm constipated)

Okay.  That was enough of that!  If I have to use any of these phrases, I'm in big trouble ("grossi guai")!
So, we skipped ahead to Chapter 5, and found:
"Non mi toccare!" ("Don't touch me!")
and "Penso che dovremmo fermarci adesso" ("I think we should stop now!')
"Ho bisogno di un test di gravidanza" ("I need a pregnancy test" -- apparently he didn't understand the last 2 phrases)
Enough language lessons!  I'll stick with Chapter 1 and hope for the best!
Non parlo Italiano!